When your gone
by E-lover21
Summary: Axel was simply cashing a check when he was stabbed, now he's left Roxas to deal alone, or did he...?  "I didn't mean to love,"  "Axel?"  OKAY SO I SUCK A SUMMARY'S BUT PLEASE READ! M for safety measures.
1. Two Years After

Roxas walked into his apartment and he was assaulted by a strange but familiar smell, it sort of smelled like cinnamon citrus and grapefruit, weird combination, but he loved that smell, he only knew one person with that smell, no one else, only… 'No, stop being stupid, he's dead, it's not possible! Roxas your going insane, though I think I'd rather be insane than anything else.' Roxas shook his head and walked further into his apartment setting his mail on the table. He sighed and sat down, sorting through the mail. He paused at one of them, it wasn't addressed to Roxas, it was addressed to… Him. He was gone! Dead! Why are people sending this crap! Roxas threw all the mail off the table in a fit of anger that soon turned to sobs. There was no lying, he missed Him, so much, but there was no bringing Him back. Roxas soon composed himself and walked into his bedroom. Everything on His side of the room was just as He left it the day he left. Sometimes Roxas locked himself in the closet and smelled His clothes, just to get the faint smell of Him.

"Axel, why?" Roxas looked sadly at the side of the bed Axel used to sleep. He remembered it like it was yesterday, though in reality it was almost two years ago.

Roxas had been hanging out with his twin brother Sora and older brother Cloud. Axel had left to the bank. He was supposed to be back in an hour. _An hour!_ He was only there to cash his pay check! But that person, just, stabbed him. According to the doctors the kid stabbed him in the aorta, killing him instantly. There was nothing they could do. He bled out in a minute and died out on the spot. Roxas couldn't take it, he still gets looks of pity, but no one could understand how he felt, and the pity made everything worse! Axel was the love of his life and in twenty minutes, he was taken away from him.

Roxas had tried to commit suicide over five times, but it always failed. Cutting his vein put him in the hospital, hanging himself put him in the hospital, swallowing pills put him in the hospital, etc. they just upped his doses of anti depressants, he just swallowed those with alcohol, didn't do anything but put him in the mental home. He got out under a month. He stopped trying to kill himself, understanding finally it wouldn't bring Axel back and there were no promises that he would meet him, after all, killing yourself supposedly means you go straight to hell. Well, if trying also means that Roxas was going to hell in a hand basket. He could only hope he'd meet Axel there.

Roxas sighed laid down on his bed shutting his eyes. "Ax, I miss you, I need you here with me." He moved his hand to the empty side of the bed, half hoping Axel would be there to grab his hand and squeeze it, saying 'It's okay Rox, I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere.' Like he had so many times before.

"You said you'd never go anywhere Axel, but you lied to me."

"_I didn't mean to love,"_ Roxas heard a faint voice say in his ear. Roxas opened his eyes, shocked at what just happened, at what he just heard.

"Axel?" Roxas looked around, "God dammit Sora if this is you I will kill you, it's not fucking funny!" Roxas looked around again but saw nothing, then he heard the voice again.

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

_So imma leave it there :) but I promise things will pick up and get longer I just wanted this to be kinda a cliffy, and I wanted to know if people liked this more than Better Half or Silence Kills. And if so, lemme know if you can't choose yet, then I'll post more chapters of Silence Kills and more of this, I have no name for this yet, so if you have any ideas, I'd greatly appreciate it :) Also please no flames or anything thankssss I LOVE YOU GUYS! PLEASE R&R! 3 it'd make Roxy feel better ;)_

_~Alexis_


	2. Show Your Self

"_It's not Sora love; I'm offended you don't remember my voice. Granted it has been two years no?"_The voice was softer, as if deep in thought, Roxas looked around.

"Where are you? Show yourself! This isn't funny anymore Sora!"

There was a 'tsk' sound _"How long are you going to insist I'm Sora love?"_

"No, he's dead! Sora this isn't funny! You know Axels' dead! Don't tease me! Don't pretend to be Axel! Sora don't do this to me!" Roxas was starting to cry, hating his twin for teasing him.

"_That reminds me, have you been taking your anti-depressants? You must keep up on them, I do not want to lose you Ro. I love you too much. You know that no?"_

Roxas looked up at the nickname, only Axel called him 'Ro' he never even told Sora about the nickname, knowing he'd start calling him that, he wanted 'Ro' to be reserved for Axel only, but it's simple, Sora could have just over heard them talking, over heard Axel call him Ro. "…Ro…?" Roxas whispered.

"_That's right Ro. You know it's me now."_

"If you really are Axel, tell me something about yourself NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE knows except for ME!" Roxas challenged.

"_I kept a diary ever since I met you, talking about everything we ever did together, starting from the day we met, to the day I went to the bank. You have it now, you look through it every night when Sora or Cloud aren't here, and one of the entries is from our first kiss._

_I wrote and I quote,_

"_April 16th, 2002_

_Today Roxas turns 16 today, I think I'm going to take him out, maybe bring him to the clock tower, where we first met, I think tonight will finally be the night I tell him I love him._

_-Axel Flynn_

_April 16th, 2002_

_YOU WONT BELIEVE IT! ME AND ROXAS KISSED! AND HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME! It was the best night of my life. I hope the same goes for him. I will tell you how it happened okay? But you have to be silent, of course you'll be silent, your paper, but still anyway it happened like this;_

_**X**__o__**X**__o (this is a flashback Roxas is having while the voice is talking :)_

_Axel called Roxas, "Hey Ax." Roxas said happy Axel called him._

"_Happy birthday Roxas! How does it feel to be 16?" Axel said Roxas could hear the smile in his voice._

"_It's the same as 15 but that's okay, I'm having fun."_

"_Too fun to meet your best friend?" Axel said in a childish voice he constantly used ever since they actually were kids. They met when Roxas was eight and Axel was ten and Axel has barely changed, he was still the same playful childish, but firm and protective Axel Roxas fell for, of course Roxas would never tell Axel this, for the sake of their friendship._

"_Of course not! Where do you wanna meet?"_

"_Where we first met? I have a few surprises for you." Axel didn't even have to say the clock tower, Roxas knew where he met. Though technically they first met at school, but they actually talked and had a real conversation and became friends on the clock tower, after Axel saved Roxas from falling off the edge, of course it was partly Axels' fault, but Roxas could have fallen either way, and Axel wouldn't have been there._

"_Alright, I'll be there in fifteen minutes."_

"_Okay see you soon kiddo."_

"_Hey, I'm only two years younger than you!"_

"_Yea, yea. See ya."_

"_Bye," Roxas hung up and rushed to the bathroom, he took a quick shower, just to freshen up, then he rushed to put on pants and a shirt. He found skinny black jeans and a turquoise button up flannel shirt. He rushed putting it on he only buttoned it half way before putting on his sneakers. He rushed out the door, calling to his parents saying he'd be back later. They didn't question it, guessing he was going to see Axel, like he did every birthday. When he got there he realized he was two minutes early. He smiled and started to button up his shirt the rest of the way._

"_In a rush no?" a smooth voice asked taking in Roxas' chiseled chest, looking away innocently._

"_Ax, you scared me!"_

"_Sorry, hey how about you step away from the ledge, too many bad memories Ro no?"_

"…_Ro…?"_

_Axels' eyes went wide, he hadn't meant to call him Ro, it was like a pet name, dammit Axel why didn't you say Rox? Axel mentally kicked himself._

"_I like it," Roxas said blushing a bit looking down._

"_So I can call you that from now on?"_

"_Yes, but only you, so that way, it's special."_

"_What will you call me?"_

"_Axey."_

"_Axey… hmm, not bad. I don't mind." Axel walked towards to Roxas and put his arms around the younger boys waist looking out into the sunset, the younger boy was shocked but eventually leaned into the embrace, liking it, he hugged the arms and looked out at the sunset. Axel figured now was as good as a time as any, "Ro, I need to tell you something, can you look at me?"_

_Roxas turned around, worry in his eyes, "What is it Axey?"_

"_I… I," but Axel couldn't bring himself to say it._

"_Axel, your scaring me, what is it?" Roxas' eyes were still filled with worry. "Are you alright?"_

"_Yes, I'm fine… but… what I wanted to say is… I love you, I have ever since I met you. If you don't like me like that, that's fine, but don't let this ruin our friendship, please, I don't want to lose you."_

"_Axel," Roxas tried to get Axel to stop talking, "Axel," but the older one continued to talk. Roxas lifted his hand up and cupped Axels cheek in his hand, Roxas stood on his tippy toes and kissed under his jaw. The older male looked down at the young one, shocked. "I love you too."_

_As the sun went down Axel placed his hands on Roxas' hips and kissed him softly and passionately. Roxas placed his arms around Axels neck, his hands lacing in the red spiked hair. Axel pulled him closer._

"_Be my boyfriend?" Axel asked pulling away a moment._

"_Do you even need to ask Axey?" Roxas leaned up again kissing him once more._

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

"Okay, so you know what the journal entry says, but that doesn't mean anything." Roxas countered. "You could have found the diary and just remembered it," Roxas had to keep the voice talking; he had to find where it was coming from. It sounded so close, but he couldn't see anything.

"_But I didn't. I assure you. Okay how about this, when I was eleven I taught you how to skate board and you did better than me, despite the fact you just learned. And don't even say Sora could have seen it because he was out of town."_ It sounded closer, the bathroom!

Roxas walked into the bathroom and gasped at what he saw, his eyes were wide.

'_I love you Ro.'_was written on the wall in red, the color of Axel's hair, and some vibrant green outlined the red words, the color of Axel's eyes. Then there were rose petals on the floor, leading to a bouquet of red roses with green splattered on it, a note was on the stems.

'_I love you Ro, and you'll see soon enough, you'll understand. I love you, I promised I'd never leave you no?_

_Yours and yours only,_

_Axey.'_

Roxas caught his breath in his throat. No, this wasn't real. "SORA I FUCKING HATE YOU! STOP PLAYING TRICKS ON ME! IF YOU'RE REALLY AXEL SHOW YOURSELF! AXEL WOULDN'T HIDE FROM ME LIKE THIS! NOR WOULD HE LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS FUCKING DEAD! SORA GET OUT HERE! IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE!" Roxas broke down into sobs his whole body shaking.

Cloud walked in. "Roxas! Roxas what's wrong?" He ran to his little brother, holding his shaking body tightly taking the roses note and wall into consideration he knew it had something to do with Axel.

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

_Okay, okay, okay so I know this isn't very good, and it actually may be really boring, but I had so many ideas I picked the one that was easier to make sense of, so yea, I will upload another as soon as I can :) but the only reason I got this out was because I stayed home today and yea lol welp please R&R NO FLAMES BECAUSE I'LL JUST REPORT IT AS ABUSE OR WHATEVER :) THANK YOU._


	3. Maybe, just maybe

Cloud walked in. "Roxas! Roxas what's wrong?" He ran to his little brother, holding his shaking body tightly taking the roses note and wall into consideration he knew it had something to do with Axel. "Roxas look at me," Cloud lifted Roxas' chin so oceanic blue met ice blue, the two years have changed his eyes"What's wrong?"

"I hate Sora, tell him to stop. He keeps pretending to be Axel." Roxas continued to cry, Cloud pulled him onto his lap, holding him tightly against his chest. It wasn't Sora, he knew that much, but if it wasn't Sora who was it? He and Sora were the only ones who had keys other than Roxas, well and Axel, but they'd gotten the key back… didn't they? Cloud believed they did, but he couldn't remember. Cloud looked down at his younger brother; he had managed to cry himself to sleep. Cloud stood up carefully, carrying Roxas delicately, as if he were a new born baby instead of a 24 year old. Cloud laid Roxas on the bed, but wasn't satisfied. He knew how lonely Roxas was, and how much he needed someone to be there for him. Cloud sighed and took off his jacket and shoes, slapping himself on the back for wearing sweat pants, he climbed into bed and hugged Roxas tightly, pleased when Roxas curled up against him.

"Get some sleep kiddo."

"_Cloud, I know you can hear me and you know you can hear me no? Don't pretend you don't. Please, just… make sure he's safe. Please." The voice asked whispering into Clouds ear_

"Yes, because the stunt you pulled did so much to help him be safe right? What if I hadn't shown up? What do you think would've happened?" Cloud whispered back, a bit of venom in his voice. "I will never forgive you for hurting my little brother, I hope you realize this."

"_Oh but of course I realize that, and I wasn't asking you to forgive me, I will be out of Roxas' life for good sometime soon. But I can't bring myself to do it quite yet." The voice answered Cloud, and it sounded as if he were close to tears._

"He doesn't want you gone, he wants you home!" Cloud said bitterly holding his brother a little tighter, a little more possessive.

"_Cloud, it's been two years, I cannot just show up. Everyone thinks I'm dead, and I am dead no?"_

"No, I don't believe that anymore than you do."

"_I've been forced to believe it, so therefore I do believe I'm dead. Cloud I'm never coming back, I'm just here as a spirit to help guide Roxas, you have to realize this."_

"Whatever, but if you hurt him anymore than he already is, I will kill and hurt everything and everyone closest to you, minus Roxas of course."  
_"If that's how it has to be, I have no problem with that." The voice was disappearing slowly fading away._

Cloud growled "Axel stop being such a wimp and come home!" Cloud whispered holding Roxas close.

Roxas turned to get more comfortable. Roxas was off in dream land where Axel still lived.

_Axel walked through the door. "Ro! I'm home!"_

_Roxas looked up from the bills and smiled a bit, but it seemed a little forced._

"_What's wrong baby? I hate seeing that look on your flawless face."_

"_You sweet talker you," Roxas let out a stressed laugh. "I got fired today."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_They hired someone else they thought would fill my job better."_

"_So there's nothing you can do to get it back?"_

"_Nothing. I tried. They said I need to let it go. Axel, we were struggling with my job, what are we going to do until I get one?"_

"_I'll work over time, and we can cut down on certain things no?"_

"_You wouldn't mind?"_

"_Baby, if I have you, nothing matters."_

"_You're too sweet." Roxas place his forehead against Axels "I love you."_

"_I love you too." Axel closed the distance between their lips and gave him a passionate kiss._

Roxas woke up and noticed he was cuddled in Clouds side. He looked up and saw Cloud was asleep. Roxas smiled a bit and just laid there, not having the heart to wake Cloud. Roxas laid as still as he could, he knew Cloud needed as much sleep as he could get, his job being as stressful as they come. Being a police officer wasn't as exciting as everyone made it out to be. But he smelt the smell again. '_Axel… I really want to believe it's you but I can't. I'm sorry.'_Roxas thought with a sigh. When he looked up at his older brother he noticed the ice blue eyes looking at him. "I'm sorry Cloud, did I wake you?"

"Nah. You okay?"

"I'm fine, thanks for staying, but you didn't have to, I bet your roommate is looking for you." (Cloud and Leon are partners on the police force so they share an apartment but aren't dating… yet, I don't know if I want to make them date. :) )

"Eh, he probably didn't notice. And besides, you're my little brother; it pained me to see you like that."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." Cloud said with a small smile. "Let's go get some lunch ok?"

"Sure…" Roxas said crawling out from under Clouds arms. "Um, thanks Cloud."

"For what?"

"For being there for me."

"Well, you're my brother."

"Just because you're my brother doesn't mean you have to be there for me."

"That may be true, but I love you."

Roxas smiled, "I love you too. You're the best brother."

"I know." Cloud smiled and pushed Roxas towards the bathroom. "Take a shower so we can go."

"I'm going, I'm going, no need to be pushy!" Roxas laughed and grabbed clean clothes and walked into the bathroom. When Roxas walked in the bathroom he noticed the walls were cleaned and the flower petals were swept up and placed in the trash can, the roses were in a vase on the sink and the note was under it. Roxas picked up the note. "Axel, I really want to believe it's you but I just can't. It's been two years and I just can't see why you would hide from me and just let me try to kill myself so many times. I just, really miss you Axel." Roxas sighed and put the note back under the vase and stripped off his clothes. He turned on the water and let the steam fill up the bathroom. He stepped inside and felt relaxed as the warm water rushed over his aching muscles. Roxas smiled as he remembered when he and Axel used to take showers together. (A/N: *drools*; D) When Roxas finished his shower he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist he looked down at his scarred lanky body and sighed the cuts were old but deep and were already pale but very noticeable Roxas regretted scarring his body but he remembered the pain he felt at the time and remembered that it had helped him escape the pain, perhaps it wasn't the best way to escape pain, but it had worked, besides he was past that stage. Roxas sighed again and pulled on his boxers followed by his white skinny jeans, he pulled a stripped light brown almost gray and dark brown almost dark gray long sleeved shirt that looked as if it belonged on a girl instead of a guy. Roxas ran a brush through his hair and walked into the kitchen where cloud was sitting at the table reading the news paper looking rather aggrieved dumbstruck and perplexed all at the same time. "Cloud what's wrong?"

Cloud shook his head and erased the previous emotions off his face he forced a smile at his younger brother. "Nothing kid, don't worry, ready to go?"

Roxas warily nodded "Yea. Where are we going?"

Cloud smiled, "I was thinking we'd go to KH Dinner, like we did when we were younger."

"Sure. I missed that place, I haven't gone there since, well, you know." Cloud nodded knowing exactly what date he meant. "Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Roxas laughed a little and walked out the door, waiting for Cloud so he could lock the door. Roxas followed Cloud to his SUV and got in the passengers' side.

"So how are you kiddo?"

"I'm better now, I'm sorry if I gave you a scare back there."

"Eh, its okay, I actually understand. I mean, I would freak out if I lost you or Sora."

"It's not that I lost him, well I mean it is, it's just that, I heard him, and I know this sounds crazy, but he said stuff only he and I knew about. So I figured it had to have been him, right?"

"Rox,"

"I know, I know, he's dead, has been for two years, but it's strange I really thought I heard his voice, I must be going crazy right"

"I don't think you've gone crazy, I just think you miss him is all, it's perfectly normal after losing someone close to you."

"Perhaps you're right, thanks for coming Cloud, I've missed you."

"I missed you too Rox," Cloud smiled at his younger brother before turning his attention back to the road. Roxas stared out the window at the passing trees and smiled. Maybe he wasn't so crazy after all. Maybe it is just what happens after you lose someone, it's possible, even Cloud said so, but could he take his word for it?

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

_:O I JUST NOTICED THERE'S ANOTHER STORY CALLED WHEN YOUR GONE AND I SWEAR I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT AND I NEVER READ IT BUT I THINK, I REPEAT THINK, THEY'RE DIFFERENT, I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER READ IT, AND I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THAT I NEVER READ IT SO IF THEY'RE ANYTHING CLOSE TO SIMILAR PLEASEEEE TELL MEEEEE! And I'm so sorry I haven't updated in over a month but I've been really busy and now I'm sick so I can't be on my computer for long periods of time or else I'll pass out, but I'm going to do my best so please review :) you'll get to hear more about what was up with Cloud and the newspaper :) well because I don't think me asking you to review is enough I'll let Roxas do it :D_

_**Roxas:**__Review please, it'll make me happy *Puppy eyes*_

_OOOOHHH! You can't refuse the puppy eyes of Roxas! :D REVIEW PLEASE! :)_


	4. The Clock Tower

Roxas and Cloud sat in KH Dinner for an hour catching up laughing and talking. Roxas realized how much he missed his oldest brother, his partner in crime, when they were younger they would always come up with 'secret missions' to go on for fun and even though they always got caught before leaving the house they had a lot of fun and they realized they could rely on each other to have the others back. Roxas looked down at his half empty coffee mug and remembered the day they took their 'mission' outside of the house.

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

"_Rox, this is the day we leave and take our adventures further than the backyard and basement!" Cloud and Roxas both expected their mom to catch them, they could almost see their mothers shadow standing in the kitchen entryway all her weight on one foot and her hands on her slim waist her head cocked to the side, they could almost hear her soothing voice asking "And where do you two think you're going?", but they opened the door soundlessly and slipped out soundlessly, no one saw them, no one noticed, their mother was still in the kitchen singing along to her favorite song on the radio. Roxas looked at Cloud, his mouth hung open, he obviously couldn't believe they made it this far. "Cloudy, what do we do now?" the six year old blonde asked the ten year old blonde. The older blonde smiled his mischief smile, "We explore Roxy, but hold onto my hand and do not, I repeat, do not let go under any circumstances." The young blonde nodded and wrapped his small arms around one of Clouds. They moved as quietly as possible until they were far away from their houses' vision. Cloud smiled. "Wanna go to the play ground at your school?" "Sure Cloudy." Roxas and Cloud kept walking but the crowd thickened and before they knew it they were separated, all Roxas could hear was Cloud screaming his name. "ROXAS! ROXAS! ROXAS WHERE ARE YOU! ROXASSSS!" Roxas started to cry knowing he was lost, his only hope was to get to the schools' playground, but he didn't know his way there, Roxas found a ladder and climbed up it trying to get away from everyone where it would be safe to cry, once he got up he walked to the ledge and carefully placed his head into his knees and hugging them close to his chest as he sobbed. "Hey there little dude, you okay? Are you hurt? You're okay no?" Roxas jumped at the sudden voice and almost fell but the stranger caught him Roxas slightly opened his eyes, his cerulean blue eyes looked into peacock green eyes (_A/N: just to be clear, I do not know if this is a real eye color but I spent like two hours trying to find how to spell cerulean for Roxas' eyes and when I came across this website:.?product=7312&cat=8&date=1272880784 I saw green eyes and chose to click on them and decided I would use that as Axels' eyes, so if you want to know what the colors look like [because I know I always want to know when people use a color I am not familiar with] you can click on that website ^_^ its lucky that I crossed that website and I realize some may not search what I did so I thought it would be nice to give you the website, anyway back to the story and off of my ramblings ^_^)_ Roxas felt able to trust these eyes so he opened his eyes fully and saw the boy had vibrant red hair that looked redder than fire, he didn't look older than eight. The redhead must have noticed Roxas was shy so he stuck his hand out, "I'm Axel, I live around here and saw you get lost in the crowd. You're lost no?" Roxas nodded drying his tears. "Well let's find your brother ok? Follow me and stay close no?" Roxas nodded and followed him. "So what's your name?" Axel asked suddenly. Roxas looked down and whispered his name "Roxas..." "Well Roxas, do you know where your brother might be?" "I think he went to my school, but I'm not sure." "Hmm, what school?" "Twilight Elementary." "I go there." "You do?" "Yea. How old are you? You're in second grade no?" "No, I'm only six, I'm in first grade. How old are you?""I'm eight. I'm in the second grade." The rest of the walk to the school was pretty quiet and when they seemed to pass large groups Roxas gripped onto Axel tighter. "It's alright Roxas, I won't let you go." Axel gripped Roxas tighter to show he was going to hold onto him. When they arrived they saw an older blonde on the swings. "CLOUDY!" Roxas took off running but Axel pulled him back. "Kid, you can't go off like that, you don't know if that's your brother or not, let's go look together okay?" Roxas nodded and looked down with shame. "I'm sorry." "It's alright." "Axel? Why can't I just run off to see if he's my brother?""There's a lot of sicko's out there kid, you never know." When they reached the swings they see that it isn't Roxas' brother but some kid named Demyx who looked much older than he really was. He was really eight but looked ten. They waited for five minutes and finally Cloud showed up. "Roxy!" Cloud asked his voice was filled with relief and his eyes brightened. "Cloudy!" Roxas ran off and gave his older brother a big hug. "Cloudy, this is Axel and Demyx, they're second graders. Axel helped me get here."_

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

That was how he met Axel and their best friend Demyx.

"Roxas?" Roxas looked up to his name being called he looked into his older brothers oceanic eyes.

"Yes?" Roxas asked.

"What would you think if Axel weren't really dead?"

'_What the fuck is he doing?' _someone wondered who wasn't too far away from them and was able to see and hear everything that was going on.

"Well I'd be happy, but I'd be hurt at the same time."

"What if he had a reason for making people think he was dead?"

"Well then I'd listen and understand. Why Cloudy?"

"Well, don't tell anyone this, but I'm working on this case to find someone who killed this girls husband, only problem is, there is no killer that's ever existed and I wanted to know how you would react seeing as how your gay and all so you must be feminine right?"

Roxas rolled his eyes knowing he was joking around about the feminine thing. "Well if I were her, I'd be grateful and probably ask to see him, you can do that no?" Damn Axel and his ways.

"I'm not sure."

"Either way, I'd be grateful and happy to know he was alive, I'd give anything for Axel to be with me again."

"Rox, you'll meet him again in your next life and in heaven,"

"Cloudy, I'm going to Hell, we all know this." Roxas laughed a little but he was too busy about thinking how his life would have been different if he had never met Axel. He might have never found his way back, well okay, maybe he would have, but he wouldn't have had as much fun, and he would probably be dead by now, everyone knows years ago before Axel and Roxas became a couple Roxas was very suicidal and almost killed himself, he would have too if it weren't for Axel, and everyone knew this.

"Rox?"

"Hmm? I'm sorry Cloud, I was just thinking."

"It's alright. I asked if you were ready to head back."

"Uhm, you go ahead, I need to go do some things. I'll call you when I get back home okay?"

"Sure. Be careful bro. I love you."

"I love you too," the pair said a quick goodbye and hugged before walking their separate ways. Roxas walked to the clock tower and climbed to the top where it was off limits. He sat by the edge and smiled a little as the sun hit his skin warming up his legs and face. "Oh Axey, I miss you so much." Roxas laid back and closed his eyes holding his hand out to the side pretending Axel was there holding it. After laying there for about thirty minutes Roxas stood up and walked back down the ladder and walked towards the school playground where he and Axel and Demyx had played for two hours that day. When he got there he was surprised to see a blonde figure sitting on the swing.

"_CLOUDY!"_

Roxas smiled at the memory and walked over to the blonde. "Long time no see huh Demy?"

"Oh Roxas!" Demyx stood up fast and pulled the smaller blonde into a tight hug, "I haven't seen you since the funeral! How are you? Are you okay? I heard you were in and out of the hospital and mental institutes! My baby buddy are you okay?"

"Demy! Can't. Breathe." Demyx immediately loosened his grip but continued to hug him. "I'm fine. I missed you though. Where have you been?"

Demyx smiled "I went to Paris and Italy. But I missed my baby buddy so I came home!"

"Why are you here?"

Demyx's face fell and his tone saddened. "I just sort of half hopped the last three years was Axel pulling a prank on us or my memory was a son of a bitch and I hope you and him would be here together, like you always used to be."

"Yea, I've been hoping that for three years, but it's not. I wish it was though,"

"Yeah, hey why don't we go back to your place? You can call Sora Cloud and maybe Leon over and I can bring Zexy."

"Will he go for it?"

"Sure! We can have one big slumber party!"

Roxas laughed. "Sure. By the way, how are you two going?"

Demyx smiled and blushed "We're good. I can't believe it's been almost five years since we were together."

"Yeah. I remember you guys had something to do with me and Axel getting together and in return we had something to do with you and Zexy getting together."

"Ahh, I miss those days."

"Me too. You know, Cloud was talking to me about some girls husband is hiding but she thinks he was murdered. I was wondering, do you think that's possible with Axel?"

"Rox, I don't know, but honestly, anything is possible." Demyx smiled "Now how about we get to inviting everyone!"

Roxas laughed "Sure Demy, sure." Roxas pulled out his phone and called Sora. "Hey Sor, you wanna come over tonight for a sleep over? Bring Riku if you want. Demy and Zexy will be coming we're trying to get Cloud and Leon too. Okay, I'll see you soon, love you too bye," Roxas hung up and looked at Demyx. "Sora is a go. Now let's get to inviting everyone else." Roxas smiled and called the rest of the people they planned to invite and to his happiness (and surprise) they were all available and coming. Roxas said bye to Demyx and said to come over around 8:00pm so he could have some time to clean up. On his way home he looked up and realized he was in front of the bank Axel was killed at. He sighed and looked down before continuing to walk, but he didn't get to far as hands grabbed at his wrists pulling him roughly back and pushing his against a wall pinning his arms over his head.

"I was wondering when I would be able to get a hold of you Roxy my boy."

"W…who are you?"

"Why my dear boy, I'm the one that got that retched Axel out of the way."

"_Drake,_ I swear to God if you hurt one hair on his head I will kill you!" someone said from the shadows, but Roxas recognized the voice, he was trying to place it.

"Axel, you're supposed to be dead, remember?"

"_A… Axel?" _Roxas asked shocked looking over to the shadows trying to make out the figure. The figure walked out from the shadows and lowered his hood. The look on Roxas' face went from shock to anger to hurt to something unreadable.

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

_I think this may be moving too fast but I don't know what else to do because as you can see Axel is still very much alive and I wanted it be like a mystery but I have much planned and so little planned and the things that are planned involve Axel being there but with some twists. *sigh* I might just do a few more chapters and end it or just continue it and it'll just be like spontaneous crap lol :) anyway please review :D_

_Axel: So I'm alive?_

_Roxas: YaY! *hugs Axel* MINE! *giggles.*_

http :/ www. Sluniverse . com/ php /shop/ showproduct. php?product= 7312&cat=8&date= 1272880784


	5. I want Axel!

Drake had run off and the figure shook out his hair he was laughing.

"I can't believe he thought I was Axel yo!"

"Y... you're not Axel?"

"Oh boy no! No way yo! I'm his twin brother Reno! Nice to meet ya yo."  
"So Axels really dead then?"

"Possibly." Reno started to walk away.

"WAIT!" Reno turned around. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means possibly. So he could be dead or he could be alive,"

"You don't know?"

"Oh I know. I'm just not going to tell you."

"Why not?"

Reno smirked; it looked just like Axels' smirk. He walked closer to Roxas, his green eyes staring down into the blue orbs; Reno placed a hand gently under Roxas' chin and lifted it up. "Because I want you to myself." Reno leaned down and kissed Roxas quickly before walking off.

"WHAT THE FUCK? BLECH!" Roxas spit and wiped off his lips. "GROSS!"

"OH COME ON! I LOOK JUST LIKE HIM YO!" Reno yelled laughing.

"SURE YOU WISH!" Roxas walked away and made it the rest of the way to his apartment without getting into anymore trouble. He didn't want Reno to come and 'rescue' him again. When he walked in his apartment Demyx was already there. "Hey Demy. Did you call everyone?"

"Sure did."

"Everyone coming?"

"Yup. Zexy's on his way, Cloud agreed and that meant Leon's coming. Riku called me and said they're coming, Sora couldn't get through to your phone for some reason, and I want you to meet someone, maybe it'll be good."

"DEMY! I don't want you to set me up on a date!" Roxas yelled putting his head in his hands.

"But you'll love him! It's Axel's twin! They look exactly alike! It might be like being with Axel all over again!"

"Oh Gott. Nicht ihn wieder. Demy Ich werde dich töten." Demyx looked at Roxas confused. Instead of answering him Roxas looked over to the end table and looked at a picture of him and Axel together they were just pulling away from a kiss so they were looking into each other's eyes and Roxas had his arms in Axels red spiked hair and Axel had his hands on Roxas' thin hips. "No one can be like him; no one can take his place Dem. He was the only one for me."

"Rox, please give him a shot?"

"I hate him! Er verhält sich genau wie Axel. Es ist nicht fair."

"Uhm, Rox, i don't speak German... care to translate?"

"He said, 'He acts just like Axel. It's not fair'." A voice said behind them. The two boys on the couch turned and stared at the redhead. "Hallo Roxy. Überraschung, Überraschung."

"How the heck did you get in here Reno?" Demyx asked with a small smile.

"The door was unlocked."

"It's polite to knock before entering someone else's home."

"Eh, Ich war nie einer für Höflichkeit."

"dann lernen verdammt Ruck"

"Rox, sie sind fightin Worte."

"RENO! I DO NOT CARE!"

"You should Roxy."

"Don't call me that!"

"Awe why not?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED!"

"Fine, calm down."

'_Reno I swear to God I will hit you so hard when I get the chance!' _someone from the hall thought.

While they waited for everyone it was tense, you could almost feel the hate in the air. Demyx just sat there not knowing what to do, Reno was just smirking, and Roxas was too pissed to say or do anything.

"Why are you still here?" Roxas asked bitterly.

"That hurts Roxy. But if you must know, I'm bored and I promised Demy I'd stay here."

Roxas glared at Demyx. "Well this is my house so get out."

"Awe Rox, just let me stay pwez."

Roxas sighed while looking at Reno's face. He saw Axels' and he couldn't ever say no to Axel. "Fine. But stop looking at me like that."

"Okay! Thanks Roxy!" Reno hugged Roxas and giggled like a little girl.

"Get. Off. Of. Me!" Roxas said between clenched teeth.

Finally after another twenty minutes everyone started to arrive. They ended up watching movies until dawn and passing out after eating a bunch of popcorn, getting into two popcorn fights, three pillow fights, made brownies, made cookies, burned the brownies so remade them, burned them again and on the third try they got them perfect (though Reno may have 'accidentally' burnt his hand on the pan. The same thing happened with the cookies but Reno insisted if you put them in milk then they'd soften and they'd be good. Of course he was right. They were on a sugar high all night off candy cookies chocolate brownies soda and monster and other energy drinks. Roxas was the second to pass out, Sora was the first. Riku and Reno smiled and Riku pulled Sora into his lap and carefully Reno pulled Roxas into his lap before passing out.

Despite Roxas' problems with Reno, he was glad Reno had stayed; things wouldn't have been the same. And unfortunately Demy was right, it was just like having Axel back. But Roxas didn't want that, he wanted Axel and only Axel.

_**X**_**o**_**X**_**o**

**This may not be good but I wanted to get it done because I feel like I've been ignoring everyone and slacking off but I hope you guys still like this and I'm sorry if you were looking forward to Axel. He maaaayyyy be coming in the near future… possibly. ;D well**

**Read and Review thankssss3**


	6. Lucky

When Roxas woke up he was surprised to be in someone's lap. He looked up and was blinded by the sun so all he saw was red and green. "Axel?" he asked softly. Slowly his vision adjusted to having the bright sun in his view and he saw it was Reno. He jumped out of Reno's lap causing him to wake up.

"Wha..? What the fuck Blondie"

"Why were you holding me? I know that's not how I fell asleep!"

"I guess I got lonely and wanted to cuddle. Sorry Blondie." Reno lied.

"You're full of shit!" Roxas yelled angrily, honestly, he wasn't mad at Reno; he was mad at himself and wanted an excuse to hate Reno.

"Rox, you okay?"

"No! I just want Axel! Why did it have to be him Sor? It's not right! Es ist nicht fair!"

"I know Rox. I know."

"Why Sora? Why?" Sora knew to let Roxas calm down you had to let him cry and scream, never try to calm him down by saying "it's alright" otherwise he'd chew your head off. Once Roxas had stopped crying he said he had to get some air.

"Rox, I don't want you to go out there alone, last time you did Drake confronted you, if Reno never showed up you could be dead right now."

"GOOD! Maybe I'd see Axel!" Roxas stood up and ran out the door. He knew he was being unreasonable and bratty but he just needed to get away for a while, away from Reno, Sora, Demyx, Zexion, hell even Cloud. He had never felt such unease around any of the (minus Reno) as he did now. He couldn't be stuck in the same place as them. He just needed air. He walked to the only place he knew he'd be able to get away from it all, the clock tower. Even in this busy hour no one goes up there, it's a place that is supposed to be banned off but Roxas and Axel had found a hidden staircase one time on their way home from school. Only they knew where it was, only they went up there, and now only Roxas goes up there. Roxas made sure no one was looking and walked behind the train station and climbed the old staircase. Once he got to the top he laid down. He looked at the busy town going on about their lives and why shouldn't they; they didn't have to worry about everything Roxas did. Or maybe they did, but Roxas didn't care. Roxas took a deep breath and started to sing to himself the song Axel would always sing to him when they were up there or when Roxas needed help or even when Roxas was tired.

"_Do you hear me I'm talking to you across the water across the deep blue ocean, under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm tryin."_

"_boy, I hear you, in my dreams, I feel your whisper, across the sea, I keep you with me, in my heart you make it easier when life gets hard"_ a voice sang, it surprised Roxas so he turned around and saw Axel, AXEL! Seriously this time! It WAS Axel. Axel smirked and winked at Roxas.

"I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been, lucky to be coming home again," Roxas stood up and walked over to Axel, as Axel closed the gap.

"Are you really Axel?"

"Yes."

"Where have you been?"

"Around."

Roxas slapped Axel's chest "You're a fucking jerk! You made me worried sick and depressed for over two years?" Roxas started to cry and Axel cupped his cheek, with one of his thumbs he wiped away Roxas' tears.

"Love, I didn't mean to, if I had it my way I wouldn't have ever left." Axel leaned down and kissed Roxas, hungrily Roxas kissed back wrapping his arms around Axel's thin neck. He had been starved of these lips. He needed these lips. He finally got those lips. When they pulled away Axel was crying. "I never wanted to leave you Rox, and now I never will. I love you."

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry." Roxas said kissing Axel's nose. "I love you too. Axel?" Roxas asked after a few moments of silence.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to come back and live with me?"

"Of course Ro."

"Oh Axey! I missed you so much!" Roxas hugged Axel so close and so tight they both stopped breathing for a moment or two. They sat down for a while and talked, Roxas found out the men that were after Axel wanted him dead and would kill anyone who got in the way, AKA Roxas, so Axel had to fake his death and hide, which is why Roxas kept hearing his voice and smelling his smell, he never left, he was just hiding. He was with Roxas most of the two years in the shadows and Roxas felt so blind and stupid for not noticing. When the sun was setting Roxas sat in axel's lap the way a baby would sit in someone's lap and watched the sunset as Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas. After the sun had set they decided it was time to return home, together, for the first time in over two years. "Does anyone know you're alive?" Roxas asked looking at the redhead as they walked to their apartment.

"Cloud and Reno."

"Cloud knew?"

"He's the one that hid me so well Rox. He is a police officer; they can't share information of cases." Roxas sighed knowing he was right.

When they arrived home Roxas went first announcing he had a surprise for everyone, everyone looked up from what they were doing, Zexion even looked up from his book, which he rarely did.

"Is it a puppy?" Demyx asked eagerly.

"BETTER!" Roxas motioned for Axel to come in and everyone gasped.

"Axel?" Demyx asked surprised. Axel nodded and Demyx jumped up from the couch and ran to the redhead, he was crying, he hugged the redhead mercilessly. Zexion smiled and hugged Axel, everyone in the room did the same until Roxas was the only one not hugging Axel.

"Kay! I wanna see my baby!" Axel exclaimed pushing away the group of his friends, he walked over to Roxas and smiled; Roxas did the same and walked towards the redhead, closing the gap. Axel kissed Roxas and pulled him into a hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Reno smiled at his twin and his lover.

"Reno?" Roxas asked,

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry I was so rude to you. It's just, you're so much like Axel and it pissed me off."

"No hard feelings kido." Reno said with a smiled,

Axel and Roxas sat down and Axel pulled Roxas into his lap. Roxas cuddled with the warm man that he had missed so much. After an hour and a half of talking everyone started to leave, giving the two lovers some time together. Once everyone was gone Roxas turned around and kissed Axel and rubbed their hips together. Axel smiled into the kiss and bit Roxas' bottom lip, asking for entrance; Roxas immediately and eagerly gave him access and almost moaned at the familiar tongue in his mouth. Axel smirked and flipped over so he was hovering over Roxas. They continued to make out and Roxas moved towards Axel's shirt and started to take it off, Axel followed his movements and removed Roxas' clothes, when all of the suffocating clothes were off Axel moved his mouth to Roxas' neck and kissed butterfly kisses down to his collar bone. Axel leaned up his member to Roxas' hole. Slowly Axel slid in and waited for Roxas to adjust before moving.

"I love you ro."

"I love you too Axey."

Axel sped up his movements causing Roxas to moan. When both men were close to their limits axel sped up, as Roxas came he screamed Axels name out in ecstasy, the tightening muscle caused Axel to reach his limit, he screamed Roxas' name in ecstasy and came inside Roxas, Axel pulled out and cuddled with Roxas.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Roxas cuddled with Axel and soon both men fell asleep.

_**X**__o__**X**__o_

_I know I know this is late like really late and I decided to have Axel come back because honestly I forgot where this story was going since I was working on my other story but, anyway,_

_Please Read and Review3 thanks loves._

_Oh and sorry if there are any spelling mistakes but oh well_

_I did this in like three hours. Sorry,_

_Yours Truly,_

_Alexis Laura._


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